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Alone.

I can’t anymore.  I feel so utterly alone, even when I can easily recognize the people around me that are helping. There is far more to accomplish than I can complete without armies of help. My husband is either obsessing over work or healing from a horrible illness and then just layer on top of that that I don’t even feel like I have a husband anymore, so I just ache for that kind of a relationship and then I feel badly, thinking that I should be more evolved or that God might want me to stay and I should align my will with His, but I don’t know what His will is and it’s not fair to make me guess!!!  I am about to actually explode!!! But instead I’ll fall asleep, because my sleep disorder makes me need ridiculous amounts of hours, and then I’ll feel guilty for not feeding my husband on his birthday, or even baking him a cake.  Awesome. 
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A Life Betwixt

In 2019 I lost my older sister and best friend to a drug overdose. It’s really a lot more complex than this simple explanation, in regards to health struggles and mental health issues and the horrible medical field plus drug addictions… it’s so complex that I won’t bother to go into it. I worry that people will just see my sister as a drug addict and she was far from that. She is such a complex and brilliant soul. I miss her everyday.  In her life she was a writer, a lyricist, a poet and singer, a dancer, a dreamer, an actress, a nurturer, she had gorgeous handwriting and I always made her handwrite things for me, she was also a philosopher, a self taught expert of mental health, astrology, religion, and she could read a person’s aura from a mile away. She was a screenplay writer, an avid reader, a self proclaimed mermaid, a passionate defender of all injustices, a protector, a lover of pomegranates and avocados. She was a fashion designer, a makeup artist, a friend to almost everyone…
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